childhood nostalgia/unhatched life plans

I miss coming home after school and turning on Boy Meets World. I miss singing Sonny & Cher and James Taylor songs at the top of my lungs throughout my house. I miss dial-up Internet. I miss my biggest worry was whether or not my mom was going to call me in for dinner during the peak of our neighborhood game of "release."

I remember when I was sixteen or so I thought I was a super bad ass. My life consisted of going on high-rides on "The Track," a renown road amongst high school students (and now Peters Township Police) located in the rolling hills of Pennsylvania, playing lacrosse, driving around listening to Belle and Sebastian and American Analog Set with my boyfriend at the time and going to the Warhol every Sunday with him, riding the trolley downtown, drunk off red wine discussing ridiculous scenarios. I had ideas racing through my head all the time. I was so much more creative than I am now. I was drawing more often. I made most if not all of my clothing; if I hadn't made it, it was altered into the most ridiculous creation ever. I was so goddamn carefree All I wanted to do with my life was make clothing for people and just be on my own. I couldn't wait to grow up, go to school at Parson's, graduate, open up my own boutique, blah blah blah blah blah...

Always one to follow my dreams, I decided to apply for summer Parson's one day. I got accepted into their art program, went there not knowing a single soul, met some of the most beautiful, down-to-earth people in the world, lived in the heart of Greenwich Village, and I had hands down I think the best summer of my lifetime. Imagine being six-fucking-teen free to run around the biggest city in our country.

I never once made my way out towards Times Square.
Too many tourists.

So many memories running around Alphabet City and the LES watching all the hot skater boys do their thing, talking to strangers and just hearing their stories, seeing Ryan Adams and Parker Posey chillin on their front porch nearly every day on the way home from classes, being on a first-name basis with all the homeless people and musicians in Washington Square Park, going to the Saturday flea markets I had read about for years in Teen Vogue... if I could only go back. Although some of my raddest and most memorable experiences, I realized how much more I just like visiting New York City as opposed to living there, realized how pretentious the field of fashion was (or possibly just the entire Parson's population) realized I still couldn't wait to grow up and get the fuck out of high school...

I came here not knowing a single soul, made wonderful friends and memories, but recently I feel as if I am on auto-pilot. Hearing the words that I will be graduating AGAIN slightly freaked me out. Where did all this time go and where was I during it all? What the fuck? Didn't I just graduate like 2 years ago?

When Ceec died it hit me pretty hard and I told myself I would never waste a day again in my life. I would appreciate my time on this earth more. I started reading more. I applied to tutor homeless children every week. Went through that training. Joined an organization to help re-build areas damaged by Katrina. I started drawing more, started writing more, I think I made a better conversationalist... I was never just "sitting around" or a boring person.

I've been doing that so much these past two semesters; I have taken on such a heavy workload (for me) and I just almost feel jaded in a way. Anyone who knows me knows I often get epiphanies and today I had one. This one is a little larger than usual, but epiphany nonetheless. My dad went to medical school in Rome for 9 years, and since hearing stories and everything, I had always wanted so bad to do something like that. Since I am obviously not pursuing a medical degree, I figured why not take baby steps and just sort of go live in another country following graduation.

I want to go somewhere in Europe, that way I am free to virtually see a number of various places, simply by hopping on a train or ferry. I would also like to make my way to England to see Victoria. There are just so many beautiful spots that I am stoked to see while I am over there.

I sort of planned out how I would like my next few years to go, and although I am really not a planner, I hope it works out. It will work out. Before I get out into the "real world," I would like to get to be my sixteen year old self again, traveling to some unknown area alone, running around exploring all there is to see and embracing all the people there are to meet. Except this time on an entirely new continent. Doin' it!