how to tell if you're sitting behind an asshole on an airplane

I found this in my files as I was deleting things. I think this was meant to be posted.

I’m sitting in LAX waiting for my connecting flight to get back to Chicago. As I was sitting here staring at the guy from Varsity Blues who is on my flight for whatever reason (why couldn’t it have been Shia LeBouf?), I got to thinking about my flight from Maui to Los Angeles. I’m a pretty easy-going person for the most part, but there are certain things you just don’t do. Some of these things may vary, as I’m sure not everyone agrees on some things that I find dreadful and bad mannered. However, fucking ask me if you can recline your seat all the way back on a six hour flight, dickbag.

I’m sure mostly everyone I know has been on an airplane at least once in his or her lives. Given that simple knowledge, think back to how uncomfortable airplanes usually are (unless you’re riding first class, but even so the chairs are just softer and wider). Now imagine this:

--- You’re on a five and a half hour redeye flight over the Pacific Ocean, and you’re watching season 2 of Weeds on your laptop. You begin to doze off since it is like 1 AM or something like that and you’re enjoying a nice little snooze. All of a sudden your laptop falls to your lap, the plastic tray in front of you forces itself into your thigh, and part of the water that you had been drinking spills all over your lap and just barely misses your laptop. On top of all of that, you’ve just been woken up. In your sleepy haze you try to understand what just happened; it takes you a minute but you realize the asshole sitting in front of you decided to fully recline without talking it over with you first.

Now I’m not sure if anyone is as much of a bitch as I am when I have been woken up, but naturally I was fucking pissed. What was this guy thinking? Aside from him, the lady next to me was sprawled out, arm crossing over the line which can be recognized as the arm rest. Fed up, I packed my laptop back up, placed the cup in the pocket of the seat, and proceeded to do what any noble lady would do: I kicked my feet up and pushed with all my might.

After a minute or so of struggles, my short but forceful legs finally got him to an upright position where I was comfortable enough to remain where I was. In the meantime, a movie had started on the television screen. I hadn’t ever heard of it, but it was nearly impossible for me to continue watching Weeds as I had been prior to this catastrophe. Removing my headphones from my iPod to place them in the outlet on my arm rest (which was yet another feat since the ladys arm was still pretty much conquering it) so I could hear the film, he begins to squirm. He starts rocking back and forth, almost forcing me to give in. My knees felt like they were going to buckle several times but I refused to let him take over the minimal space I had. I looked around to see if maybe I was just being a bitch, but nobody else on the fully packed airplane seemed to be as reclined as he was.

I resumed my focus to the film, which was quite good in fact, despite the many interruptions, due to this guy not being able to recline. There was one point where he literally turned around, stood up, and sat down forcefully. I pretended to sleep this entire time all the while using all my strength to make sure his chair was upright. I think the term for my actions is called “passive aggression”. I think the term for his actions is “rude”, so it evens out. Bottom line, if you want to invade someone’s personal space, maybe ask them if it’s okay with them first. It usually won’t be.