So I guess when I was in the fifth grade we wrote ourselves letters for our teachers to mail to us. My mom brought mine to Hawaii with her along with some other mail that got sent to my house and it's probably one of the funniest things I've read in awhile. This is what it says:
Dated: June 2, 2000
Dear Laura,
Hi! Wat ^? Today was field day + u are in 5th grade at St. Louise DeMarillac. My friends from school: Claire, Nicole, Hillary, Jon, Mike, Brittany, Jessica, Mandy Smith, Mike O'Neil. I just got a picture of ( ___name withheld___ )... Yay! Claire + I have a BIG crush on him (maybe you still do!) Do you remember Chris Lambert? He was that 12 year old from England that you met in Florida. Do you still e-mail him? Are you and Victoria still best friends even though she lives in England? Do you still like NSYNC or do you like BSB now? Here are my favorite bands: Limp Bizkit, NSYNC!!!, Sisqo, Eminem, Dr. Dre, Method Man, Mandy Moore, Korn, Marilyn Manson, Britney Spears and Barenaked Ladies. My favorite songs are: Bye, Bye, Bye, Forgot About Dre, Thong Song by Sisqo, It's Gonna Be Me by NSYNC, I Wanna Be With You by Mandy Moore, Baby Got Back by Sir-Mix-A lot baby! That song is from the 80's! Falling Away From Me by Korn, Make Me Bad by Korn and lots and lots more! Here are my friends from swimming: Tara, Janelle, Danny M, Carey, Chris, Tim, Evan, Charlotte, Sarah, Emily, Allison D, Ben, and anyone else I 4got! Bye! - Laura (insert flower and smiley drawings)
Besides the fact that I was a fucking strange child (Korn, Marilyn Manson?) The kid who's "picture I got" that Claire and I had a crush on I could not tell you what he looked like or anything like that. I was just thinking about Chris Lambert the other day. He was fucking sexy and we planned to meet every year in Florida from 5th grade to like 7th or something like that. I wish I still had his e-mail cause he's probably hot and I liked his accent. I'm still friends with Victoria and I plan to visit her in England sometime in the (hopefully) near future. I still like Britney Spears so that's pretty consistent. I love how I added "that 12 year old boy" as if being one year older was such a big deal. I guess that's proof I've never really liked anyone my own age... ha
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
aloha beetchezzzzzzzz
So I normally don't do one of those "reflections of my day" type things, (or write on this anymore at all for that matter), but I've had such a good day two days that I figured I'd go ahead. Basically yesterday we went on this environmentally friendly coral reef research thing which was fucking dope.. saw some octopus and about ten different types of fish. We went to two locations, I can't remember the names 1.) Hawaiian is hard 2.) I've been drinking, but they were beautiful and if I remember I will edit them in. Anywho, after we returned from that we went to Kaanapali Beach and I jumped off a 20 ft. (estimating) rock into the water which I had written down on my bucket list like two years ago. Today I woke up and walked outside to the beach that is behind me and went snorkeling. I have a hard time staying about water just observing so I swam down to get a closer look at it all. I not only saw TWO SEA TURTLES but I was so close to the one that I could have touched it! I saw about five or so different types of species, including a longspine black urchin, what looked to be a spotted toby. So fucking sweet. After that I got to see my beautiful sister (basically) get married right off the coast. Their wedding was so simply elegant. Of course there was a barefooted man playing beautiful songs before the marriage, during the actual ceremony he lightly picked his guitar, and afterwards he blew out of a conch after they said their vows and the man blessed them for eternal health and all that jazz. It was pretty fucking cool. After that, we celebrated with some champagne and then headed down to the bar while her and Jeff got their photos taken. While we were at the bar, we watched a ceremonial sunset thing (I don't know the terms I forget). It started off with this traditional music, drums mostly and then as that was going on a man danced with fire... they stopped that and the rock that I actually jumped off got lit up with fire and then the man did the jump off the rock. It's basically a tradition that the locals do as a celebration of the beautiful day that had passed. The day ended with a wonderful meal (and cocktails ha) with my family and now I am sitting here half listening to the presidential debate and typing this.
The stars seem to shine brighter, the grass seems to be greener, the sky more blue, the sun brighter... Nobody smokes cigs (as far as I've seen, really) I am not so sure I could ever live here though, because I feel as though this isn't the real world. I collect newspapers from all the cities I've been to across the country, and I was reading my Maui paper, and it seemed to be nothing but good news. Not really anything covering the campaign, not really anything covering the economy, just basically local goodness. That is fucking awesome! But I think I'll just stick to having a place as a safe getaway while still understanding that this is not the real world. I am going to try to look for other papers before I return to Chicago because I am convinced that everyone in Maui is not uneducated.
If John McCain says maverick one more time my head might explode.
The stars seem to shine brighter, the grass seems to be greener, the sky more blue, the sun brighter... Nobody smokes cigs (as far as I've seen, really) I am not so sure I could ever live here though, because I feel as though this isn't the real world. I collect newspapers from all the cities I've been to across the country, and I was reading my Maui paper, and it seemed to be nothing but good news. Not really anything covering the campaign, not really anything covering the economy, just basically local goodness. That is fucking awesome! But I think I'll just stick to having a place as a safe getaway while still understanding that this is not the real world. I am going to try to look for other papers before I return to Chicago because I am convinced that everyone in Maui is not uneducated.
If John McCain says maverick one more time my head might explode.
Monday, September 22, 2008
i fucking hate the hills
“The Hills is on tonight!” This sentence has been exclaimed from the mouths of millions of brainless idiots three hours prior to the actual premiere every Monday night for far too many seasons. It amazes me that someone would actually “Shh” me during a television show literally about absolutely nothing. The things that come out of their mouths are completely fucking irrelevant. Do they even have jobs? How did they even become “famous”? It seems to me that almost everyone seems to think that it’s a basic need to tune in to what’s going on in the lives of these girls.
But in all honesty, if it weren’t for this show, how else would we know when a friends’ boyfriend, is, like, such a dickhead? Or whom would we turn to for fashion guidance? Who wouldn’t want to watch people complaining, answering their phone, and sitting down all the fucking time? ME. That’s who. Rest assured for the rest of the population, however, LC, Lo, Audrina and any of their other fucking dumb ass friends are there to clue you in to what has to be the realest and most important aspects of our lives.
Upon sitting through an episode, we get to see the girls dress up and go to lunch about thirteen times while discussing what happened the night before. I can tell you what fucking happened last night not only because I just watched it happen but because you do the same thing every goddamn night. Their nights consist of sitting in a booth at some lame ass club or sushi bar in LA drinking vodka sprites and talking about how much they hate everyone else involved in their pointless and shallow lives. The nights usually end in some sort of emotional distress, usually because one of their boyfriends is being an asshole, or they’re fighting about who’s the better friend. Either way I know they probably wouldn’t be fun to hang out with seeing as how they clearly can’t handle their liquor.
Despite none of this being entertaining what so ever, it could only be necessary to sit and repeat what happened after we just watched it as they sit and pick and their food and stare at each other while unable to make any form of connection with their so called friend because their brain capacity is that of a house fly’s. What the hell is wrong with everyone on this show that they have to stare at each other so much? I mean I was raised that it was ill mannered not to look at people in the eye when they’re talking to you, but come the fuck on, nobody ever needs to make that much eye contact.
Shall we move along to the music that pollutes this ridiculous show? What is this music you speak of? Oh you know, just the thing that gave this goddamn channel its well-known title? Fuck MTV. They do not show music videos nor do they have anything to do with music on TV. Some marketing genius came up with the idea of playing the newest songs in the background of these new MTV shows while listing the artists and titles at the bottom so all you have to do is race to your computer and download it. Aside from the fact the songs are usually fucking terrible, I will give them credit for actually cuing them to appropriate scenes. You can always tell that it’s going to be a commercial when LC stares off into the tiny cubicle office she doesn’t even work for and a nice somber melody evokes the torment she’s feeling because of something Spencer and Heidi did.
Just when I thought this show couldn’t get any more fucking stupid, I found out this show basically gave the talentless fuck LC a fashion line. Are you fucking kidding me? This shit looks like the how-to patterns that come with sewing kits that you buy at fucking Wal-Mart. Wow LC! Thank you for sewing solid colors and basic shapes together to “create” a piece of shit that my two-year-old cousin could glue together. Fuck The Hills. The only good thing about this show is that MTV created something that gets 99% of the idiots in this world out of the public for one hour per week.
But in all honesty, if it weren’t for this show, how else would we know when a friends’ boyfriend, is, like, such a dickhead? Or whom would we turn to for fashion guidance? Who wouldn’t want to watch people complaining, answering their phone, and sitting down all the fucking time? ME. That’s who. Rest assured for the rest of the population, however, LC, Lo, Audrina and any of their other fucking dumb ass friends are there to clue you in to what has to be the realest and most important aspects of our lives.
Upon sitting through an episode, we get to see the girls dress up and go to lunch about thirteen times while discussing what happened the night before. I can tell you what fucking happened last night not only because I just watched it happen but because you do the same thing every goddamn night. Their nights consist of sitting in a booth at some lame ass club or sushi bar in LA drinking vodka sprites and talking about how much they hate everyone else involved in their pointless and shallow lives. The nights usually end in some sort of emotional distress, usually because one of their boyfriends is being an asshole, or they’re fighting about who’s the better friend. Either way I know they probably wouldn’t be fun to hang out with seeing as how they clearly can’t handle their liquor.
Despite none of this being entertaining what so ever, it could only be necessary to sit and repeat what happened after we just watched it as they sit and pick and their food and stare at each other while unable to make any form of connection with their so called friend because their brain capacity is that of a house fly’s. What the hell is wrong with everyone on this show that they have to stare at each other so much? I mean I was raised that it was ill mannered not to look at people in the eye when they’re talking to you, but come the fuck on, nobody ever needs to make that much eye contact.
Shall we move along to the music that pollutes this ridiculous show? What is this music you speak of? Oh you know, just the thing that gave this goddamn channel its well-known title? Fuck MTV. They do not show music videos nor do they have anything to do with music on TV. Some marketing genius came up with the idea of playing the newest songs in the background of these new MTV shows while listing the artists and titles at the bottom so all you have to do is race to your computer and download it. Aside from the fact the songs are usually fucking terrible, I will give them credit for actually cuing them to appropriate scenes. You can always tell that it’s going to be a commercial when LC stares off into the tiny cubicle office she doesn’t even work for and a nice somber melody evokes the torment she’s feeling because of something Spencer and Heidi did.
Just when I thought this show couldn’t get any more fucking stupid, I found out this show basically gave the talentless fuck LC a fashion line. Are you fucking kidding me? This shit looks like the how-to patterns that come with sewing kits that you buy at fucking Wal-Mart. Wow LC! Thank you for sewing solid colors and basic shapes together to “create” a piece of shit that my two-year-old cousin could glue together. Fuck The Hills. The only good thing about this show is that MTV created something that gets 99% of the idiots in this world out of the public for one hour per week.
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