serpentine

the goons have gone global
and the CEOs are shredding files
and the democrans and the republicrats
are flashing their toothy smiles
and uncle tom is posing for a photo op
with the oval office clan
and uncle sam is rigging cockfights
in the promised land
and that knife you stuck in my back is still there
it pinches a little when i sigh and moan
and these days i'm thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone

and i must admit
today my inner pessimist
seems to have got the best of me
we start out sugared up on kool-aid and manifest destiny
and we memorize all the president's names
like little trained monkeys
and then we're spit into the world
so many spinny-eyed t.v. junkies
incapable of unravelling the military industrial mystery
preemptively pacified with history book history
and i've been around the world now
and i can see this about america
the mind control is steep here, man
the myopia is deep here

and behold
those that try to expose the reality
who really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gassed off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discrete
behind a wall
behind a moat
and that is all
that's all she wrote

and my heart beats an sss o o o sss
cuz folks just couldn't care care care less less less
as long as every day is superbowl sunday
and larger than life women in lingerie
are pouting at us from every bus stop
shelovesme shelovesmenot shelovesme shelovesmenot...

and big government should not stand between a man and his money
i mean "what's good for business is good for the country"

our children still take that lie like communion
the same old line
the confederacy used on the union

conjugate liberty
into libertarian
and medicate it
associate it
with deregulation
privitization
we won't even know we're slaves
on a corporate plantation
somebody say hallelujah!
somebody say damnation!
cuz the profit system follows the path of least resistance
and the path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked
makes it serpentine
capitalism is the devil's wet dream
so just give me my judy garland drugs
and let me get back to work
cuz the empire state building
is the tallest building in new york
and i always got the feeling
you just liked to hear it fall

off your tongue

songs i've been obsessed with recently

my most recent playlist...

1. incubus - battlestar scralatchtica
2. katy perry - hot 'n cold
3. ben folds - you don't know me (ft. regina spektor)
4. mgmt - weekend wars
5. jennifer hudson - spotlight
6. wax poetic - driftin
7. gorillaz - deltron zero
8. the roots - here i come
9. kanye - love lockdown (clockwork remix)
10. moby - porceline
11. marlena shaw - california soul
12. aesop rock - 9 to 5ers theme
13. al green - love and happiness
14. alison krauss + robert plant - gone, gone, gone
15. aretha franklin - say a little prayer for you
16. ben e. king - stand by me
17. the blow - true affection
18. T.I. - whatever you like
19. postal service - natural anthem
20. lily allen - gwb (fuck you very much)
21. flosstradamus - 3 peat mix
22. corinne bailey rae - til it happens to you
23. islands - don't call me whitney, bobby
24. kid cudi - lovestoned freestyle
25. kate nash - merry happy
26. rhianna - good girl gone bad
27. alan astor - paper planes remix
28. ben folds - fired
29. lykke li - dance, dance, dance
30. n.e.r.d. - she wants to move (justice remix)

reprieve

oh to grow up hypnotized
and then try to shake yourself awake
cause you can sense what has been lost
cause you can sense what is at stake

it took me a few years to catch on
that those days i catch everyone's eye
correspond with those nights of the month
when the moon gleans like an egg in the sky
and men are using a sense
they don't even know they have
just to watch me walk by


and me,
i'm supposed to be sensible;
leave my animal outside to cry
when all of nature conspires
to make me her glorious whore
it's cause in my body i hold the secret recipe
of precisely what life is for

and the PATRIARCHY that looks to shame me for it
is the same one making war
and i've said too much already but i'll tell you something more:

to split yourself in two
is just the most radical thing you can do,
so girl, if that shit ain't up to you,
then you simply are not free

cause from the sunlight on my hair
to which eggs i grow to term
to the expression that i wear,
all i really own is me

i mean to split yourself in two
is just the most radical thing you can do
goddess forbid that little adam should grow so jealous of eve
and in the face of the great farce of the nuclear age
feminism ain't about equality, it's about reprieve

i am covered in glitter

So last night I was involved in my first apple bobbing contest. We went to Soiree for a little to see Meggie DJ and then left before the guids took over. We then went to Irish Eyes for but a minute but Molly couldn't get in so we left (which is ironic because she will be 21 next week). Anyways, so we go to this bar called Prost down the street cause I had heard many good things about the place and thought it'd be fun. So after like four pints of Belgium beer and time spent mackin on the bartender I decide to go outside and we smoke a cig. At this time the owner approaches us and asks us if we want to be in an apple bobbing contest. Now I am wearing a skirt and just got my haircut yesterday so my hair looked all nice, but of course my drunken mind tells me its a good idea. I oblige and Molly and myself find three other team mates willing to participate in such a weird thing. The deal was the winner got a free boot of beer, so I am obviously interested in this, despite it being the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen taken place at a bar. Needless to say we lost due to certain circumstances but all in all it was a good effort and I hope nobody saw my ass during so.

My room mates, Caitlin and I went to Bassnectar tonight and it was probably one of the most amazing experiences I've had in awhile. Brittany got the entire line to do a slow clap about a million times claiming it was her friend Nancy's birthday as we waited to get in which is always fun...................... The DJ that played before him (need to find out his name) did some fucking incredible mashups. It was almost as if he was going in eras or something like that. He mixed some stuff from the 60s (e.g. Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix) and then went into the 80s (The Cure, The Outfield) he even fucking did the Peanuts song remixed which pretty much got everyone moving. He was also pretty fucking great at scratching it was pretty impressive. I separated myself from the pack towards the end of his set seeing as I saw the location of Bassnectars setup and had to be there. I was in the front the entire time and I could probably stare at that man all day if I could. His set was so intense; anybody who can go from mixing Raining Blood to later going into My Love by Justin Timberlake and making it sound legitimate is okay in my book. I danced my little tush off and eventually got to meet him at the end of the night. He hooked me up with a CD that has his new single from his album coming out. Not only is this man sexy but he's fucking talented.

As if the past few weeks couldn't get any more fabulous I put my ticket requests for Phish 09 about a minute after they made the announcement so hopefully I get those bad boys. Hooray!

5th grade

So I guess when I was in the fifth grade we wrote ourselves letters for our teachers to mail to us. My mom brought mine to Hawaii with her along with some other mail that got sent to my house and it's probably one of the funniest things I've read in awhile. This is what it says:

Dated: June 2, 2000

Dear Laura,
Hi! Wat ^? Today was field day + u are in 5th grade at St. Louise DeMarillac. My friends from school: Claire, Nicole, Hillary, Jon, Mike, Brittany, Jessica, Mandy Smith, Mike O'Neil. I just got a picture of ( ___name withheld___ )... Yay! Claire + I have a BIG crush on him (maybe you still do!) Do you remember Chris Lambert? He was that 12 year old from England that you met in Florida. Do you still e-mail him? Are you and Victoria still best friends even though she lives in England? Do you still like NSYNC or do you like BSB now? Here are my favorite bands: Limp Bizkit, NSYNC!!!, Sisqo, Eminem, Dr. Dre, Method Man, Mandy Moore, Korn, Marilyn Manson, Britney Spears and Barenaked Ladies. My favorite songs are: Bye, Bye, Bye, Forgot About Dre, Thong Song by Sisqo, It's Gonna Be Me by NSYNC, I Wanna Be With You by Mandy Moore, Baby Got Back by Sir-Mix-A lot baby! That song is from the 80's! Falling Away From Me by Korn, Make Me Bad by Korn and lots and lots more! Here are my friends from swimming: Tara, Janelle, Danny M, Carey, Chris, Tim, Evan, Charlotte, Sarah, Emily, Allison D, Ben, and anyone else I 4got! Bye! - Laura (insert flower and smiley drawings)

Besides the fact that I was a fucking strange child (Korn, Marilyn Manson?) The kid who's "picture I got" that Claire and I had a crush on I could not tell you what he looked like or anything like that. I was just thinking about Chris Lambert the other day. He was fucking sexy and we planned to meet every year in Florida from 5th grade to like 7th or something like that. I wish I still had his e-mail cause he's probably hot and I liked his accent. I'm still friends with Victoria and I plan to visit her in England sometime in the (hopefully) near future. I still like Britney Spears so that's pretty consistent. I love how I added "that 12 year old boy" as if being one year older was such a big deal. I guess that's proof I've never really liked anyone my own age... ha

aloha beetchezzzzzzzz

So I normally don't do one of those "reflections of my day" type things, (or write on this anymore at all for that matter), but I've had such a good day two days that I figured I'd go ahead. Basically yesterday we went on this environmentally friendly coral reef research thing which was fucking dope.. saw some octopus and about ten different types of fish. We went to two locations, I can't remember the names 1.) Hawaiian is hard 2.) I've been drinking, but they were beautiful and if I remember I will edit them in. Anywho, after we returned from that we went to Kaanapali Beach and I jumped off a 20 ft. (estimating) rock into the water which I had written down on my bucket list like two years ago. Today I woke up and walked outside to the beach that is behind me and went snorkeling. I have a hard time staying about water just observing so I swam down to get a closer look at it all. I not only saw TWO SEA TURTLES but I was so close to the one that I could have touched it! I saw about five or so different types of species, including a longspine black urchin, what looked to be a spotted toby. So fucking sweet. After that I got to see my beautiful sister (basically) get married right off the coast. Their wedding was so simply elegant. Of course there was a barefooted man playing beautiful songs before the marriage, during the actual ceremony he lightly picked his guitar, and afterwards he blew out of a conch after they said their vows and the man blessed them for eternal health and all that jazz. It was pretty fucking cool. After that, we celebrated with some champagne and then headed down to the bar while her and Jeff got their photos taken. While we were at the bar, we watched a ceremonial sunset thing (I don't know the terms I forget). It started off with this traditional music, drums mostly and then as that was going on a man danced with fire... they stopped that and the rock that I actually jumped off got lit up with fire and then the man did the jump off the rock. It's basically a tradition that the locals do as a celebration of the beautiful day that had passed. The day ended with a wonderful meal (and cocktails ha) with my family and now I am sitting here half listening to the presidential debate and typing this.

The stars seem to shine brighter, the grass seems to be greener, the sky more blue, the sun brighter... Nobody smokes cigs (as far as I've seen, really) I am not so sure I could ever live here though, because I feel as though this isn't the real world. I collect newspapers from all the cities I've been to across the country, and I was reading my Maui paper, and it seemed to be nothing but good news. Not really anything covering the campaign, not really anything covering the economy, just basically local goodness. That is fucking awesome! But I think I'll just stick to having a place as a safe getaway while still understanding that this is not the real world. I am going to try to look for other papers before I return to Chicago because I am convinced that everyone in Maui is not uneducated.

If John McCain says maverick one more time my head might explode.

i fucking hate the hills

“The Hills is on tonight!” This sentence has been exclaimed from the mouths of millions of brainless idiots three hours prior to the actual premiere every Monday night for far too many seasons. It amazes me that someone would actually “Shh” me during a television show literally about absolutely nothing. The things that come out of their mouths are completely fucking irrelevant. Do they even have jobs? How did they even become “famous”? It seems to me that almost everyone seems to think that it’s a basic need to tune in to what’s going on in the lives of these girls.

But in all honesty, if it weren’t for this show, how else would we know when a friends’ boyfriend, is, like, such a dickhead? Or whom would we turn to for fashion guidance? Who wouldn’t want to watch people complaining, answering their phone, and sitting down all the fucking time? ME. That’s who. Rest assured for the rest of the population, however, LC, Lo, Audrina and any of their other fucking dumb ass friends are there to clue you in to what has to be the realest and most important aspects of our lives.

Upon sitting through an episode, we get to see the girls dress up and go to lunch about thirteen times while discussing what happened the night before. I can tell you what fucking happened last night not only because I just watched it happen but because you do the same thing every goddamn night. Their nights consist of sitting in a booth at some lame ass club or sushi bar in LA drinking vodka sprites and talking about how much they hate everyone else involved in their pointless and shallow lives. The nights usually end in some sort of emotional distress, usually because one of their boyfriends is being an asshole, or they’re fighting about who’s the better friend. Either way I know they probably wouldn’t be fun to hang out with seeing as how they clearly can’t handle their liquor.

Despite none of this being entertaining what so ever, it could only be necessary to sit and repeat what happened after we just watched it as they sit and pick and their food and stare at each other while unable to make any form of connection with their so called friend because their brain capacity is that of a house fly’s. What the hell is wrong with everyone on this show that they have to stare at each other so much? I mean I was raised that it was ill mannered not to look at people in the eye when they’re talking to you, but come the fuck on, nobody ever needs to make that much eye contact.

Shall we move along to the music that pollutes this ridiculous show? What is this music you speak of? Oh you know, just the thing that gave this goddamn channel its well-known title? Fuck MTV. They do not show music videos nor do they have anything to do with music on TV. Some marketing genius came up with the idea of playing the newest songs in the background of these new MTV shows while listing the artists and titles at the bottom so all you have to do is race to your computer and download it. Aside from the fact the songs are usually fucking terrible, I will give them credit for actually cuing them to appropriate scenes. You can always tell that it’s going to be a commercial when LC stares off into the tiny cubicle office she doesn’t even work for and a nice somber melody evokes the torment she’s feeling because of something Spencer and Heidi did.

Just when I thought this show couldn’t get any more fucking stupid, I found out this show basically gave the talentless fuck LC a fashion line. Are you fucking kidding me? This shit looks like the how-to patterns that come with sewing kits that you buy at fucking Wal-Mart. Wow LC! Thank you for sewing solid colors and basic shapes together to “create” a piece of shit that my two-year-old cousin could glue together. Fuck The Hills. The only good thing about this show is that MTV created something that gets 99% of the idiots in this world out of the public for one hour per week.

throwback thursday

So I've just recently begun packing to move my entire life into my apartment in two days, and I came across my old CD case. I was using it to move my DVDs into it so it saves space not only packing wise, but it's a pretty practical idea (I think). Now I'll admit I've been a little bit of a millenium kid and deserted my CDs for awhile, but I came across this mix that I had made entitled "Tunes '04". It sparked my interest and I decided to check it out while I packed my life away. Here is what I came across:

1.) "Divided Sky" - Phish
2.) "Oh Yoko" - John Lennon
3.) "Sample In A Jar" - Phish
4.) "Dog Faced Boy" - Phish
5.) "Her Town Too" - James Taylor
6.) "Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd
7.) "Crazy Game of Poker" - OAR
8.) "You and I Both"- Jason Mraz
9.) "Caught Up In Your Love" - Ari Hest
10.) "0% Interest" -Jason Mraz
11.) "How Sweet It Is" - James Taylor

The CD brought back a flood of memories and good times. I actually teared up a little when I heard the solo mid-Divided Sky because it had been forever since I'd listened to that song and just made me think of a lot of things. I also found a bunch of LIVEphish CDs that my brother passed down to me which was fucking dooooooooope. Considering Trey made his recent comments I hope that when the reunion does occur I can attend more than one show. I would probably shit my pants twice and see stars the whole time. I'm waiting.

By the way, I think I might be the only person my age who was more upset when Tim Russert died as opposed to the dude from Dave Matthews Band. Both are unfortunate losses; LeRoi was a really dope sax player and far too young. However, despite the tragedy, hopefully this means Dave Matthews will stop making music.

three hundred meelion dollars

I honestly think that Barack Obama is a leader. I think that he is a good problem solver; I think that the universal health care plan is legit. I think that he is going to take a careful approach to bringing the country out of the rut that we have been driven in. I think he has an actual agenda and I think that's what we need. He has gotten shit done in the past. He's been a leader for twenty years. I'm sorry but I'm not that impressed with the fact that McCain was a POW for however many years, or the fact that he has promoted his family through this campaign (his daughter just signed a deal to write a book which should be interesting..) I'm also not impressed that he feels he needs to take the pussy way out to bring himself on top by not only demeaning his opponent but taking a completely erroneous approach to the subject.

In a time when three out of every fifty home owners are behind on their mortgages and foreclosures are becoming regular, I think it's time we need a real leader in this country. It is one big cycle.

- When a home is foreclosed a bank takes over and repossesses it.
- The houses are typically worth less than the mortgage, and the bank is then bound to that home.
- This has resulted up to billions of losses.
- The bank losses than affect stock prices.
- The lending gets tight which then means less spending by consumers and companies.
- Due to anticipation of lower profits the market drops.
- Companies begin to lay off employees and the sales get shaky and investors then press for their returns.

McCain has said that he will "demand" less government spending to create a balanced budget, he never really gave a concrete way that he planned on going about that. Recently, Obama held an economic conference with his advisers, all of whom have experience in cleaning up an economic crisis. If raising taxes to bring a balance pisses the people who haven't worried about taxes for the past eight years then let them be pissed off. There are people living in this country without any form of health insurance or hope for tomorrow. I think it's incredible that we have a candidate that is speaking out for the people of New Orleans. The same people who are so small on the map that they are nearly voiceless. We need someone to run this country that is willing to see things from all aspects. Sure, he has some skeletons in his closet, but who doesn't? And I'm sure that if Obama was born in Panama while his parents were living on a US Army Base, there would be an uproar from the right-wings as to why he should be allowed to be president.

I don't disagree with the issue of McCain being able to run. I am pretty sure that anyone born to American citizens while in another country (even including the Panama Canal) you are considered an American citizen because the reason you are there is because they are serving the country. Some shit like that. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore or if any of that even made sense.

shut the fuck up it's only august

So basically anytime a television show goes to commercial anymore there is a fucking presidential campaign ad sure to follow. My favorite one so far is the one that displays Britney Spears, fades to Paris Hilton, and then shows a smiling Barak Obama. It then goes into some bullshit about how he is, "one of the most popular stars in the world." The first time I saw this, the thoughts that ran through my mind were,

1. "It's August..."
2. "What the fuck?"
3. "Why is this commercial being aired on E?"

It's a really good thing that John McCain has such a good team handling his campaign. I can see where they were going with creating such a commercial displaying two people that just about everyone (besides me on Britney's behalf) is fed up with. However, they might want to check their information before airing such a ridiculous commercial. There is no way that Barack is of their star status; he hasn't even gotten a DUI yet. But seriously, the Hilton's just endorsed his campaign with $4,600 (roughly), so it may have been a good idea to not include their daughter in that particular commercial.

Yet another reason John McCain is such an excellent candidate for presidency: he doesn't think before he acts, and we all know how that's worked out for the past eight years.

Update: "I've been asked again and again for my response to the now infamous McCain celebrity ad. I actually have three responses. It is a complete waste of the money John McCain's contributors have donated to his campaign. It is a complete waste of the country's time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs. And it is a completely frivolous way to choose the next President of the United States." - Kathy Hilton, Huffington Post

Well, looks like someone isn't voting for McCain.

top five worst songs of all time (in no particular order)

1. "Somebody Told Me" - The Killers
2. "Jack and Diane" - John Cougar Mellancamp
3. ""My Humps" - Black Eyed Peas
4. "Achy, Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
5. "The Good Fight" - Dashboard Confessional


With honorable mentions to: anything by Miley Cyrus, the "Macarena", "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship, and "Invisible" by Clay Aiken.

obama: bitter elitist

Months and months ago, Obama made a comment about people of rural Pennsylvania clinging to their guns, religion and fear of foreigners. He was then labeled as an elitist. First of all, I assume the targeted area's citizens wouldn't have voted for him anyway. Besides, he had a point.

Religion, guns, and hating gays and immigrants are crutches that people lean on. But then again, so is fast food, crystal meth and child beauty pageants, but we don’t have time to tackle all of America’s addictions all in one night. So let’s focus on the big thing: that the people who claim to be the non-elitists are the ones who constantly shift tax burdens from the ones who fire you, to you. John McCain voted to repeal estate tax, voted against minimum wage, has no healthcare plan, and is fine with keeping the working class in Iraq for 100 years but hes a real man of the people.

The president went to Harvard, Yale, and inherited your country from his dad but he’s not an elitist because he can neither read nor write. What does it take to label someone elitist these days anyways? They wear shoes? They don’t buy their groceries at the gas station? Their dog has a name but their truck doesn’t? You know who’s bitter in America? I am. Beucase shit kickers voted twice for a retarded guy they wanted to have a beer with and everyone else had to suffer the consequences.

I honestly don't think that Barak Obama is this tyrannical monster that some people depict him to be. He agrees with some standpoints that could be seen as socialist, but I'm not sure he would become this extreme empire. We are already under the reign of an evil empire as we speak.

"The issue of economics is not something that I understand as well as I should"
"We need to protect the Iraq and Pakistan borders"
- John McCain

We are going to need someone who's going to get out of this horrible mess of a country to win this election. When "experience" has become such a key ingredient to this recipe for success, I'm not sure why intelligence hasn't been equally as important. There's never a way to completely tell at this point if Obama is a sheep in wolves clothing with potential of continental domination. There is also no way to tell if McCain is just another incompetent man with the brain capacity of a three year old who makes idiotic comments as we all shudder with annoyance while plummeting to destruction for the next four years. That was a run-on sentence, but oh well. I guess the only way to settle it would be to VOTE who you feel is the best candidate. That way, if you are unhappy about the country's situation post-election, you can have room to legitimately complain. Anyways, this is a fun little quiz: http://www.bush-mccainchallenge.com/?rc=fb

I love Bill Maher.

and the morning dove gets caught in a telephone wire

i used to listen to such shitty music. i will always remember how i was convinced that the guy from dashboard confessional knew exactly how i was thinking and feeling. i saw him a few years ago in new york. he was sitting by the christmas tree at rockefeller center, and it just so happened that i got to witness some guy proposing to his girlfriend who was completely taken aback by the entire situation. i spotted whatshisname across the crowd texting on his razor phone (this is when they were a hot commodity). i kept watching him as he began to cry. i wish i was making that up. i thought that he was just going along with the whole oh woe is me emotional thing, but he cried? maybe he knew the people. i'm not sure if i would cry if i witnessed a friends proposal.

i wonder if myspace.com had existed back in the day what would have come of it. because it seems to me that the "emo kid" trend just sort of merged with the "scenester" thing which has become pretty hip. their hair still points either east or west, and they do that spastic move to get the hair out of their eyes, the tight t-shirts and girl pants remained, but nowadays it just seems as if everyone in that scene of obscure music is identified by their myspace "names." what the fuck?

politically correct

I went to get some fake flowers with Jackie last night and in the store I noticed that they only had barbie-like dolls of the white characters in High School Musical on sale. I then got to thinking about board games and shit like that. When I was in New Orleans, I spent some time at a children's day care. I played some games with the kids, but a few minutes into the one game, I think it was "Clue Jr.", I started getting this really trippy feeling. I was pretty much the only white person in the room and here we are playing a board game that consisted of all white characters. I can't imagine being surrounded by things like that. If the games featured characters of different origins, it probably wouldn't just be called a board game. They would call it a "learning tool for children" or "diversity game" or some weird shit like that. Why is it that it's the year 2008 and we still can't get past that barrier?

Disney is especially super weird with their shit. All the princesses up until 1992 (Aladdin) were white. They even added a ginger kid to the mix which was The Little Mermaid. Aladdin, set in the middle east, featured Jasmine who is personally my favorite. They followed up with Pochahontas, which although is historically a true story, they definitely tweaked it quite a bit, and last but not least, China's Mulan.

While representing multiple cultures, Disney failed to do that in a tasteful way when representing Africa. The Lion King, set in Africa, displays a movie of all animals. The movie is epic no doubt, but why not humans like the rest of the movies? Disney has failed to display any black characters in their films unless it was given an animalistic role. Aside from the lions, warthogs, and monkeys--there was Sebastian, the Jamaican crab in The Little Mermaid.

Disney also made a proposal a few years back to build an area representing Africa in the company's renown Epcot, but failed to follow through with the plans.

HOWEVER, in 2009 they will be having their first black princess. All I know about the movie is that she is given the title "The Frog Princess" (what the fuck?) and that it will be based in New Orleans. Hmmm... prior to or after Katrina I wonder? At least the music will be dope.

all your heroes are dying

Fred "Mister" Rogers : Inhabiting a make-believe world with children well into his 70s and employing a character named Mr. McFeely to accompany him, one might be tempted to suggest pedophilic undertones in Fred "Mister" Rogers oeuvre. After all, normal heterosexual adult men don't want to have anything to do with kids, and when you start throwing hand puppets into the mix, it seems like something from the McMartin preschool case. But I'll take the high road. Fred Roger's chief crime is that it was always a beautiful day in the neighborhood and he liked you just the way you are.

Susan Sontag: "The white race is hte cancer of human history," wrote the ostensibly white Ms. Sontag. A hypocritical rad-chic darling who derided capitalism while gorging on huge foundation grants, she thought Against Interpretation was a catchy book title. Lost in metaphors, she spouted nonsense such as, "If there were no speaking or writing, there would be no truth about anything." Wrong--truth exsisted long before postmodern writers came along. And if you'd never likened white Americans to cancer, you still would have been a white American who died from cancer.

Timothy Leary: The Weather Underground facilitated Leary's escape from prison after a weed bust in the early 1970s. Upon his recapture, Leary spun around and ratted on his accomplices in order to receive a reduced sentence. "I would prefer to work constructively and collaboratively with intelligence and law enforcement people who are willing to forget the past," came the frightened-into-complicity statement of hte snowy-haired Brain Yeti who encouraged us to "question authority." The fact that he turned snitch on people who tried to help him forces me to question his authority to tell anyone to question authority.

Bob Marley: Though he sang of impoverishment and repatriation to Mama Africa, Bob Marley's father was a relatively affluent pasty-white plantation overseer and Navy officer. And though several reggae artists released music far superior to anything Marley ever squeezed from his dreads, he has achieved mythic status mainly due to his belief in Rastafarianism, one of the stupidest religions ever concocted. When skin cancer was discovered on his big toe, he declined life-saving amputation because his religion "don't allow a mon ta be dismantled." The cancer quickly spread to his brain, stomach, and lungs. Haile Selassie? Highly retarded.

Jack Kerouac: His unbearably effusive "masterpiece" On the Road is the literary equivalent of the liquor-induced internal hemorrage that cut him down at age 47---a sloppy cranial menstrual cycle in sever need of an editorial tampon. The main character's name is Sal Paradise--how stupid is that? Written while "on the speed," On the Road may have inspired countless "stream-of-consciousness" imitations, but the "stream" was a rank piss of a hopeless alcoholic, and hte "consciousness" was that of a homophobic cock-sucker who went on collegiate gay-bashing jaunts with jock friends before bedding dozens of men.

Iron Eyes Cody: Cody gained his fame as the "crying indian" in the 1970s "Keep America Beautiful" campaign. In the most watched public service announcement in United States history, people watched a teardrop snake down his craggy, presumably Native American visage after motorists chucked a bag of garbage near his feet. But although he claimed to be Cherokee, offered supplications to the "Great Spirit," and was America's Token Indian for decades, he was an Italian poseur born "Espera DeCorti." His TV teardrop wasn't even real--it was a lil squib of glycerine. Cody was to Native Americans what wiggers have become to blacks--patronizing, insulting attempts to vampirize someone's culture without having endured any of the attendant suffering.

It is 7:46 in the AM and I just spent the past 4-5 hours listening to motown and completely rearranging my room. I have no idea why. I still cannot sleep.

imitation is the best form of flattery

So as most of you reading this know, I not only have a strange memory, but I also don’t really have a life. I’m joking about that, but seriously. There are many similarities in songs, for instance the riff in the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s song “Maps” is comparable if not exactly the same as the drum solo halfway through Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Been Gone”. Also, another obvious one would be that “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night” vs. that little bitch Miley Cyrus’ “See You Again” (which I will admit, I kind of enjoy).

Aside from all Nickleback songs, there are a few that kind of struck me. I’m sure I’m not the first person to do something like this, but I'm pretty fucking bored.

First we will start off with The Andrews Sisters "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" vs. Christina Aguilera's "Candy Man". I really do enjoy Christina's newest album. It it very oldschool, her voice is incredible and I've been listening to it quite a bit lately. Her song "Candy Man", which I believe is on the second disc, is one that I typically skip over. The other day I decided to keep it on, and I realized that it sounds almost identical to that of the Sisters' song. Both of the songs are about a particular man who is known for a certain something; "Bugle Boy" is suprisingly about a guy who plays the bugle well, whereas Christina's song is about a man infamous for being great in bed. Both of the songs have a brass introduction to the vocals and once the vocals begin they sound quite similar. Hmm.

Cat Steven’s “Father and Son” vs. The Flaming Lips’ “Fight Test”… these two songs are exactly the same and that’s all I really need to say. If you have heard these I’m sure you will agree. The Flaming Lips' song is obviously more synthed out, but the guitar and vocal arrangement are basically like listening to the same thing. Cat Steven's version is slower, almost ballad-like and "Fight Test" is definitely more upbeat whilst talking about conquering some kind of enemy. At least that's what I took from it. Kudos, Cat Stevens.

“What I Got” by Sublime vs. “Lady Madonna” by the Beatles. These two songs are pretty much arranged the same. Fuck, Sublime even got the title of their song from reggae artist Half Pint's song, "Loving", which, oddly enough, goes: "Loving is what I got, remember that". Very original.

“Factory Girl” by The Rolling Stones vs. “Whip the Blankets” by Neko Case. Hands down.

Green Day’s “Waiting” vs. Petula Clark’s “Downtown”. Ok, so anyone who is anyone knows that Green Day fucking sucks. There is no doubt that they are talent-less musicians who have made bank by recreating the same song over and over again. When they aren’t plagiarizing, their guitar riffs are the same three chords rearranged differently. This comparison is really an atrocity. Not only does Green Day copy the exact same chorus arrangement, but they even use the word “downtown”. All I have to say is go to youtube.com and type in those song titles separately and compare for yourself. I fucking hate Green Day. Erroneous, but one of my favorite parts in Girl, Interrupted is when Winona Ryder plays Clark's song with Angelina Jolie accompanying her on the tambourines. I fucking hate Angelina Jolie, however.

One that I recently discovered for myself was Gwen Stefani’s “What You Waiting For?” and Weezer’s wonderful “Hash Pipe”. Not exactly the same by any means, but definitely comparable.

Anybody who loves legendary (in my opinion) oldies, an obvious similarity would be Chuck Berry’s “Sweet Little Sixteen” and The Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ USA”. That’s completely obvious and I’m not even going to argue why.

I could also compare some other of Chuck Berry’s songs to other Chuck Berry songs considering they all kind of sound similar. For instance: “Little Queenie” vs. “Johnny B. Goode” vs. “Carole”
“School Days” vs. “No Particular Place to Go”
“Maybelline” vs. “Nadine” (“Nadine” is slightly less paced than “Maybelline”)

I actually cannot stand Michael Buble, but his one song,“Save the Last Dance For Me”, actually has not gotten on my nerves too much. I'm not sure if that says anything because I've only heard maybe three or four songs of his, but....this song sounds quite like “Hey Jude” by The Beatles. My favorite part of this comparison, is that Buble says some stupid shit like “Don’t forget…” in the same exact tone as the Beatles' version, whereas, The Beatles say “Remember…” which I’m pretty sure is basically like saying the same thing. Pretty original, Buble.

I was watching Coyote Ugly the other day because they have been playing it about 5,000 times a week on E!, and I realized that the shitty song by LeAnn Rimes “Can’t Fight the Moonlight” chorus sounds just like Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”. I then also realized that the background music of the chorus sounds just like “I Will Be There” by Britney Spears. While I’m sure barely anyone has even heard the song, being the Britney Spears connoisseur that I am, I noticed this immediately. It’s a pretty decent song, but I wouldn't imagine there being a huge lawsuit for any of these songs being copied.

As far as I’m concerned the Chili Peppers’ “Dani California” is a faster and funkier “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” by Petty. Although not exactly the same, up until the lead ins to the chorus the way the music is arranged sounds quite similar to me. Both songs also refer to these women from small town areas who seem to be slightly sad or something along those lines. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that “Dani”, who is mentioned in a few other Chili Pepper songs, was a representation of every girl Keidis has ever been with. Whatever, although both are quite catchy songs, they aren’t exactly on my top ten list of good songs.

“Warning” by Green Day vs. “Picture Book” by The Kinks. You know, the little ditty from the HP commercials? It sounds exactly like the shitty song by Green Day. I used to love Green Day when I was like nine or ten. They are incredibly easy chords to play, which doesn’t surprise me that Green Day copied the exact same melody but just added some piece of shit lyrics and pseudo-punk vocals.

“Get Off My Cloud” by The Rolling Stones vs. “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne. Although the usual comparison is that song called “Boyfriend” by the Rubinoos, which is completely more like “Girlfriend” than the Stones’ song, but you gotta admit with the “Hey, hey, you, you” chorus I couldn't pass it up.

Avril Lavigne, in all her nonconforming glory, seems to have this copying trend down pat. I also used to really like Avril Lavigne (unfortunately) and her song “I Don’t Have to Try” sounds painfully similar to Peaches’ “I’m The Kinda”. Peaches is fucking insane and to tell you the truth I don’t particularly like her weird electro shit. Her song states “I’m the kinda bitch that you wanna get with…” and like all her other songs, is very redundant. All that I got from Lavigne’s song besides bleeding ears is that she "wears the pants in the relationship". She reminds me of a girl I went to high school with.

“All Day and Night” by The Kinks vs. “Hello, I Love You” by the Doors. I think The Kinks are underrated. “Hello, I Love You” clearly sounds almost exactly like their version. Not that big of a deal, neither one of them are particularly great songs.

“Ain’t Nobody’s Business” by Taj Mahal vs. “Sunshine” by G. Love and Special Sauce. These two don’t sound exactly similar, but I think there is definitely a relation. Maybe more fraternal than identical, but nevertheless……

“Orion” by Metallica vs. “Only Shallow” by My Bloody Valentine. Maybe I’m crazy, which is definitely a possibility, but I think these two have slight resemblances to one another.

I wish I was a DJ so I could make mashups of some of these songs.

dina lohan may or may not resemble a man

while i didnt think that the new E! reality series of desperation, "living lohan", could get any worse--i have been proven wrong. the tv show's pilot showed dina lohan referring to everyone besides her family as "idiots" and, while that may sound boring, i for some reason get excited when i see a preview for the next episode.

the second episode showed even more dina rants, but the house also caught on fire. it was fucking awesome. ali lohan (lindsay's fifteen-year-old sister who appears to look about 28) also revealed that she, like her older sister, has asthma. i'm sure this will come in handy in the future when she decides/realizes that it's a good cop out for not wanting to do something. like filming a movie.

denise richards: it's complicated is also another horrendous yet entertaining show on the E! network. in her pilot episode, all she does is complain about everyone else in her past, present and future life besides her dad and her two charlie sheen look-alike (sucks) daughters. she attempts to breed her pigs, and ends up purchasing another cuter and smaller pig. i hope it impregnates her huge, female pig. i'm anxious to see what that would look like.

my favorite episode, however, was when she was preparing to go on a blind date with someone that her friend set her up with. maybe i'm abnormal, but it takes me about an hour TOPS, maybe like an hour and fifteen minutes if i decide to change what i have on, to get ready to go out with someone. denise started getting ready at like 3:00 P.M., starting off with a candle lit bubble bath. she then hired a young girl to come over to her house and give her a fucking spray tan. really? are you that concerned and pathetic that in order to go out and have a few drinks with someone you need to have a spray tan done?

she then goes on a tangent about how she hopes that she can someday date a normal guy, one who doesn't think that she is "just the bond girl" or "just the girl from Wild Things". i'm sorry denise, but i didnt know that you were in any other movies in your short lived career. i'm pretty sure that you could easily date any "normal" man. it's called move out of los angeles.

anyways, i really don't like television, and yes that contradicts all the above, but i will admit that i have been allowing myself to watch this mindless bullshit because in some weird way it is relaxing. we all know that the only good show on the E! network is Chelsea Lately anyways.